What does it mean when you were supposed to be with someone else from birth but it only lasted nine months and birth was their death.

What does it mean years later when you are shaking because you know it is not reality.

No answers- No calls- No options.

“I was born for you”

I wish they had lived- I wish it was not me. I am not strong…I am not the strong one….why was I designated this shit?!?!?!

They could have done so much more with this life than I.

How it feels:

 It feels like I showed up to a party that they invited me to because they knew everyone…but they are late. I am waiting and feeling awkward. They won’t answer their phone or text back. I want to leave the party but I promised I’d come. In reality they were on the way two hours ago and got hit by a semi. I wont know they die until I go home…and I will feel guilty for being upset they did not show.
I can’t stick with anything . I’m not solid…I’m not real…I’m not a person…I don’t have a human part. I am not supposed to be the twin that lived.
 No one else is shaking like this right now.
Maybe I should name them- No one else did.