Ten days until I celebrate and mourn our day where everything fucked up.
How did I make it 32 years without you?
I reach for you like a blanket in hopes to find anything that soothes.
I have tried to birth you again myself through this life.
The other day I apologized for considering myself a twin- since you are not here.
They assured me I was indeed “still” a twin- validation gave birth to tears.
I want to be myself- But I can’t seem to be myself, Because I have deconstructed and reconstructed myself so much that I am just pieces of someone else.